The Weakest Link Gundam Style!
by Lady Jayde Une
Summary: Join the Gundam Pilots and the rest of the cru in The Weakest Link, with Lady Une as Anne Robinson :D. Quite a bit of character bashing. Relena and Treize
1. Default Chapter

The Weakest Link - Gundam Style

Hey! This is the Weakest Link. One of the dodgiest British imports you are ever gonna get. The Weakest Link belongs to the BBC and all that crap. The Deathglare™ belongs to Heero Yuy.

Before I forget…ANNE ROBINSON ROCKS! (For an' ol'gal!)

A/N: I'm using the British version i.e. £'s instead of $'s and Tetly and PG are types of tea. Any other culture gaps y'wanna know about just E-Mail me ~[Jayde][1]

**_The Weakest Link!_**

::Dramatic Music::

Une ::at plastic podium with black flowing jacket::

Hello, I'm Anne Une and this is THE WEAKEST LINK!

And these are our contestants, tonight.

::Dramatic Music::

Heero: I'm Heero, a homicidal, suicidal maniac out to kill Relena.

Duo: I'm the cool guy of the group and kick ass for a livin'.

Trowa: …

Quatre: I'm the nice, shy loveable guy of the group. Everybody loves me!

Wu Fei: I'm the guy with the most justice and integrity of the group and I can't stand weak onna's or Treize, he has no integrity!

Zechs: I'm the bishonen with the long blonde hair all women want. And my voice actor is Brian Drummond, so that makes me the instant favorite to all the women.

Dorothy: I'm the female homicidal maniac with evil, independently minded eyebrows.

Relena: I'm the goody-goody of the group. And I have a fetish about Heero shooting me.

Noin: I'm the girl who fights with the guys and STILL doesn't have her own DAMN GUNDAM!!

Treize: If Relena is the goody-goody, then I'm the bady-bady. I rule OZ, made the Epyon Gundam and I look damn good in these pants!

Une: Yes, you certainly do, Treize-sama!

Everyone: O.o

Une: *cough*, *cough*…err…Let's play, THE WEAKEST LINK!

::Dramatic music::

Une: Ok, we play by answering questions. Each time you get one right you get money. You mustn't get one wrong or you'll break the chain of money.But if you say 'Bank' before you answer a question, the chain of money is saved and you start a new chain of money. E=MC2, every action has an equal but opposite reaction and space is infinite, Treize rules all and…opps…have I said too much…?

Heero, what's the main component of the Zero System?

Heero: …er…emmm…hallucinogenic drugs?

Une: Correct. £50

Duo, what's the name of your Gundam Deathsythe?

Duo: Oh…I know this one…hold on a sec…DEATHSYTHE!

Une: Correct. £100

Trowa, what's your name?

Trowa: …

Une: I'm afraid your wrong, Trowa. Everyone has decided it's Trowa Barton. £0

Quatre, what is your favorite tea?

Quatre: Oh dear, that's tough…is it green tea? …Or PG? … Or Tetly? No, it's EARL GREY!

Une: Correct. £50

Wu Fei, Who has the most integrity and justice?

Wu Fei: Me!

Une: Incorrect. The correct answer is Mister Treize! £0

Zechs, why did you blatantly ignore Noin's advances, was it because of the war? Because you've been life long friends and didn't want to ruin it? Or is it because you needed an ego boost and having Noin constantly following you, provided that? 

Zechs: (ashamed) I needed an ego boost.

Une: Correct…sadistic wanker… £50

Dorothy, if you slice a male of 5ft8's throat with an AD1895 fencing sword in your right hand, how long will it take for him to die from lack of blood? Bearing in mind your incision will be about 2.54 inches.

Dorothy: Exactly 4.1658 minutes, on my good day.

Une: Correct. £100

Relena, why are you so damn annoying? Is it because you're a goody-goody? That you have a fake English accent? Or you get Heero to wreck Mister Treize's plans time and again?

Relena: 'BANK' It's a combination of all three.

Une: Correct. £100 banked. Chain starts from £0

Noin, why did you bother with Zechs. Especially now that you know you're an 'Ego-Boost'?

Noin: 'BANK' Well, it's different now, so :P ::sticks tongue out at Une::

Une: You are sort of correct, might as well allow it… £150 banked. Chain starts from £0

Treize-sama, how old are you?

Treize: 'BANK' 24.

Une: Correct £200 banked

::Deathglare-ing™ at everyone but Treize:: Who is it that's holding you back? Who is a waste of space? Who doesn't speak, let alone say 'BANK' so save your hard earned cash? Which clown among you isn't amusing? Who's hair just doesn't cut it around here? IT'S TIME TO CAST OFF YOUR WEAKEST LINK!!

::Dramatic music::

Heero: Trowa

Duo: Trowa

Trowa: …

Quatre: Trowa (Sorry Trowa)

Wu Fei: Trowa

Zechs: Trowa (I love Noin)

Dorothy: Trowa . (My eyebrows are sexy!) 

Relena: Trowa

Noin: Trowa

Treize: Trowa

Une: It's unanimous, Trowa…YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK! Goodbye!!

::Scary metal music::

::Loser talk-time with Trowa::

Trowa: …

End Of Part One 

   [1]: mailto:ladyune@oz.zzn.com?subject=The%20Weakest%20Link%20-%20Gundam%20Style!



	2. Part 2

I'm sorry to all those Trowa fans for having him voted off first but he was easy (hey, I'm a beginner)

I'm sorry to all those Trowa fans for having him voted off first but he was easy (hey, I'm a beginner). Please don't hurt me if another of your favorite characters are voted off, k?

**_ _**

**_The Weakest Link!_** (Part 2)

Une: Ok, now that Trowa is gone I hope you get more then your pathetic £200, because lets face it you can't do much with £200 now can you?

Let's play THE WEAKEST LINK! (A/N, yeah, she does that quite a lot)

Une: Heero, why the Hell haven't you killed Relena yet?

::Duo butts in:: Did you say 'HELL'??

Une: Yes, now shut up, or I'll kick your ass off this stage!

::Duo sulks:: Fine!

Une: Heero, your answer please.

Heero: Errr, emmmm, …, I don't know…

Une: That's a shame, cus everyone wants to know. £0

Duo, Hilde asked me to ask you a really hard question, when is your 2nd anniversary?

Duo: ::still sulking:: 'BANK', oh, that's a hard one…er…we said it would be easy to remember…oh I can't remember…

Une: Tough shit. Incorrect. £0

Quatre, when is yours and Sandrock's anniversary? ::thinks:: boy that's sad.

Quatre: ::in dream land:: ahhhhhhh, that'll be on the 24th June *sigh*.

Une: Correct. £50

Wu Fei, I heard your out to get my Treize, are you gay? And I must remind you that it is in my job description as Colonel to kick your ass if you are after Treize.

Wu Fei: INJUSTICE!!!

Une: Incorrect. 'Injustice' isn't an answer. £0

Zechs, what shampoo do you use?

Zechs: 'BANK' ::flips his hair:: L'ORÉAL, because I'm worth it!

Une: Correct. £50 Hmmmmmmm, I'll have to use some of that, having my hair up in two painful braids isn't easy on my hair… 

Dorothy, how many people did you kill last year?

Dorothy: 7, 986 and that's not including using the mobile dolls.

Une: Correct £100 Your evil Dorothy.

Relena, the Gundam Wing series would be better off without you. True Or False?

Relena: 'BANK' False, of course.

Une: Incorrect. £100 banked. Chain starts from £0 It's a fact that every one would be allot happier without you alive.

Noin, how many photos do you have of Zechs in your 'little' Zechs shrine?

Noin: ::blushes::…errrrr…

Zechs: you have a shrine to me…? ::beams:: Come on Noin how many photos do you have?

Noin: ::embarrassed:: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I have 4253 photos of Zechs. What's with all the Zechs questions anyway?

Une: I'm the one who asks the questions not you. But you were correct. £150 I snuck up into your room and counted them ALL! Hahahahaha.

And Mister Treize, what's OZ's shittiest Mobile suite?

Treize: 'BANK' hmmmm, that'll have to be the Leo…What was I smoking when we designed that thing…?

Une: Correct. £200 Banked And I can't answer that question because it'll get you into a legal mess.

Who will you vote off next? Who has no Justice? Who has no integrity? Who is weak and has no power and shouldn't have the money your working for? IT'S TIME TO VOTE OFF THE WEAKEST LINK

::Dramatic Music::

Heero: Relena.

Duo: Wu Fei

Quatre: Wu Fei

Wu Fei: Relena

Zechs: Wu Fei

Dorothy: Wu Fei

Relena: Dorothy

Noin: Wu Fei

Treize: Wu Fei

Une: Heero, why Relena?

Heero: I hate her. I can't believe I didn't kill her! 

Une: Duo, why Wu Fei?

Duo: The guy suck ass. The only reason he's with us is because he's got a cool Gundam. He doesn't deserve it! I WANT NATAKU!

Une: …errr…ok…Wu Fei, it's decided, YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK! Good Bye!

Wu Fei: INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::walks off::

::Scary metal music::

::Loser TalkTime with Wu Fei::

Wu Fei: Une has no justice. Treize should be voted off next, he has no integrity.

(End Of Part 2)


	3. Part 3: Sudden Death

The Weakest Link (Part 3)

**_The Weakest Link _**(Part 3)

Ok, guys. This is the last chapter. Thanx to all those who reviewed and encouraged me to continue with this story! Especially Kat Dickerson, if it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't of been able to have all these questions. So half this fic is hers. The funny half! 

Une: Ok, now that the weak WuFei has gone, I _hope_ you are able to get more than the £400 you've accumulated so far. Because, lets face it, you can't do shit with £400. Let's play The Weakest Link!

Heero, what's the deal with you wanting to kill everyone?

Heero: I…errrr…I can't say…

Une: Why not? ::looking pissed off::

Heero: Because it's embarrassing!

Une: So! Do you want this money or what??

Heero: Alright, alright…'BANK'…I get a perverse sexual feeling when I kill people! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW??

Duo: Whoa! ::looks discusted::Too much info!

Une: Yes. Correct. £50 banked, chain starts from £0

Duo, how many ribs has your "DeathSythe Hell" have?

Duo: Hey, are you trying to make out that I'm dumb?

Une: I don't need to _try_. Now answer the goddamn question.

Duo: 6, it has 6 ribs. ::whispers to Heero and Quatre:: I think it _that _time of the month for her…

Heero & Quatre: hehehehehehehehe

Une: Correct. £50

Quatre, seems as though you think my mood is so funny you can miss a turn.

Quatre: ::cries:: Waaaaaaaa!!! *sob* *sniffel* It's not fair!!!!!

Une: It's not meant to be fair. IT'S THE WEAKEST LINK!

Zechs, what were you and Noin doing in the Tallgeese last night?

Zechs: ::Blushes and looks at Noin::

Noin: ::Deathglaring™ at Zechs as if to say '_Don't you dare!_'::

Zechs: Well…errrr…

Une: You've got to tell me or you don't get the money!

Zechs: ::looks back to Noin:: We made love…

Noin: That's it! I'm out of here! I don't need this shit! ::walks off:: and don't think your getting any tonight, Zechs!

Zechs: ::runs after her:: Hey Noin, you can't be serious! You know I love you! Noin!! _Thanks a lot, Une!_

Une: ::waves:: No Problem. Just as long as I break up one couple during this fic, I'm a happy schizophrenic! 

(Zechs & Noin off stage)

Heero: I'm going to. This is getting boring. I got people to kill.

Duo: Me too!

Dorothy: Yes, your quite right. I must go to. Wars don't just start themselves, y'know. Lady Une, you got anyone that needs to be destroyed? I might as well do it seems though I'm leaving and your hosting a show.

Une: Yes, thank you. ::Pulls out names on a list as long as toilet paper:: Here you go. ::gives to Dorothy:: Thanks a lot, Dorothy.

Quatre: Do you mind if I leave with you Miss Dorothy? ::blushing::

Dorothy: Errrmm…ok!

Heero, Duo, Quatre & Dorothy walk off stage.

Une: Ok…errr…looks like we are left with Relena Peacecraft and Mister Treize for a 'Sudden Death' round!

::Scary Metal Music::

Une: Ok I will ask you both five questions each, the first one who gets the most at the end: wins!

Ok, Relena "_Miss Queen Pansey-ass"_ Why the fuck did you shoot my goddamn rose? Didn't you know that was from Treize before I left for space? He put it on me himself!! ::in dream land::

Treize: Well…beautiful women should wear beautiful things. It's a shame that those of lesser value threaten beautiful things.

Relena: Well _actually_ I was aiming to kill you, but your lover-boy's daisy got in the way.

Une: OOOOOOoo! Them's fightin' words! ::rolling up her sleeve, wanting to punch Relena::

Treize: Please, lady. Do not lower yourself to her level. You're so much higher than her. ::Throws a dashing smile and raises a suggestive eyebrow::

Une: Ok! ::giggles like a school girl::

I'll get all wrinkles in this jacket and it'll end up looking like Dermail's ass!

Treize, what is your favorite colour?

Treize: ::looks and points to his Oz suite:: I like this colour!

Une: Yes, it's a lovely colour. But what is it called?

Treize: Hmmmmmmm, I'd say it was a Royal Persian Blue.

Une: Correct, it is BLUE.

One point each

Relena, why are you so hell-bent on getting Heero? He doesn't like you. No one likes you.

Relena: Well, he really likes me! Haven't you heard the saying "You always hurt the one you love."?

Une: Yeah, but they didn't have you and Heero in mind. They were thinking of me and Treize, for example, when he sneaked behind me and pinched my waist, and I gave him a damn good slap for doing it in public. That's who they were on about.

Treize, how do you spell dog?

Treize: Lady, that's too easy! Why don't you give me harder questions?

Une: Treize, just spell dog!

Treize: ::looks defeated:: R-E-L-E-N-A

Une: But Treize, that's a _breed_ of dog, not the spelling of the dog in general. I can't allow that, answer.

Treize: ::whines:: But why?

Une: I already told you!

Treize: ::begs:: Let me have the point! Please lady! I'll do that position tonight, that you like so much.

Une: ::Blushes:: Errrr…OK!

1 to Relena, 2 to Treize

Relena, what is the significance of the numbers 13 and 11?

Relena: …Oh…I don't know…they're just numbers…?

Une: Wrong! They represent Treize and I in fan fiction lingo. There's not enough of them, so I can't _really_ blame you for not knowing. ::looks in to camera 3:: Do more 13x11's/TkxLU's or I'll kill you all!

Treize...is it true that I'm the #1 in your life? I'm sure it is... ::taps hand against gun holster::

Treize: Your threats don't scare me, Lady...even if the answer was no, you still don't scare me!

Une: This pistol's aimed right for your wanker...so choose your answer carefully…

Treize: ::sweatdrops::Yes....the answer is yes!****

Une: Good boy.

Relena, is it true that you and Dorothy had an affair during Dorothy's first few days attending your school?

Relena: NO!!!!! THAT IS TOTALLY NOT TRUE! I AM NOT YURI!!! I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU GOT THE IDEA THAT I WAS!

Treize: Une, that's my niece your talking about!

Une: I know!

Dorothy: ::popps her head round the stage:: Yes, we did Miss Relena! You know you weren't getting anywhere with Heero! Hahahahahaha!

Treize: ::faints::

Une: Okay, Treize, since you want a difficult question: What's the type of virus associated with Ebola?

Treize: That's easy. A filovirus...the tiny group of infectious organisms that look like little hookworms.

Une:O.o*mutters under breath* Nerd...

Treize: I'm sorry?

Une: Errr...I said...What a large word.

But you were correct.

1 to Relena and 3 to Treize

Relena,****Is it or is it not true that you stalked Heero Yuy to the point of him having to file a restraining order against you?

Relena: Yeah, it's true. But he wouldn't shoot me. I wanted him to shoot me!

Une: Don't we all!

Mister Treize...is it true that you had Millardo…errr…Zechs I mean...suspended after you caught him and Noin having sex in your huge bath?

Treize: ::becomes angry:: Yes I did! That's only for you and I to...errr...hehehe...I mean… That was a foul thing to do!

Une: But that is a 'Yes', right?

Treize: Yes.

Une: Correct.

2 to Relena and 4 to Treize

Relena...is it true that you tried to pose for playboy, but were denied, because you, oh how did the producers put it..."had no tits whatsoever?"

Relena: THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!!!!

Zechs: ::pokes head in:: Yep. It's true. I've got her measurements!

Relena: YOU'RE MY BROTHER YOU PERVERT!

Zechs: Hey...tits are tits...don't matter who they belong to!

Noin: ZECHS!

Treize: *faints again*

Zechs: I have your measurements too Une...let's see…

Treize *awakens from fainting* I wouldn't go there, Millardo...I do have my sword with me....

Zechs: yeah, yeah...anyway...ohhhh...C cup...nice

Une: GET OFF OF MY STAGE YOU LAZY MOTHERFUCKER!

Treize, this question isn't to easy, so here you go, how many times did we make love last night?

Treize: Hmmmmmmm, ::thinks:: is that including orals?

Une: ::blush:: _Yes_, that includes 'orals'.::thinks:: please say 15, it's 15, say 15!

Treize: 21! ::smiles::

Une: O.o Errrr…YOUR RIGHT! You won Treize!! ::runs up to him::

Treize: Yeah!! ::Picks Une up::

Relena: THAT'S NOT FAIR! YOU GAVE HIM EASY QUESTIONS!!

Une: Well Duh! This is THE WEAKEST LINK!! Mister Treize loosing would be against his ideals, stupid princess! And besides, it's not _you_ I'm sleeping with!

Come on Treize-chan, let's celebrate!!

Treize: ::Carries Une:: Wooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! And have hot, dirty, hentai, jungle sex in the bath again!

Une & Treize: YAY!!!!!

Relena: IT'S NOT FAIR! I'M THE GOODY-GOODY! I SHOULD OF WON! I SHOULD HAVE THE GUYS AND I SHOULD BE GETTING SOME TONIGHT!!

Heero: Tough shit! ::Shoots Relena::

Relena: Heero, you came and shot me ::all happy::

Heero: Shit! I shot her in the head! She should be dead now!!

Relena: I'm the main character, Heero. Nothing can kill me. You know that, silly!

Heero: FUCKING HELL!! RUN EVERYONE, IT'S RELENA, AND SHE WANTS ME!!!

~End!~****


End file.
